A Story, and a Reminder

Disclaimer: this post does not contain a recipe. This post is about my eating disorder and recovery. It's a heavy read, so feel free to skip it.

I still struggle with food, even today. Some days I wake up and don't feel like eating at all. I wonder what happened to the skeletal girl with so much 'self-control'. I look in the mirror and cry at what I see. It's still there, lurking. And some days, try as I might, I can't get that voice to shut up, go away, revert back into the nothingness it once was, years ago. I always believed my eating disorder, or Ed. It tore me to shreds, but I believed him. I hung on to his every word, knowing that my body was no longer mine. It was his. For months, I struggled to keep up the image of progress, while I lost myself more and more each day. I wanted to get better, but I wanted to go lower. I wanted to look good, and depending on the day, "good" meant anything from healthy to skeletal. More often than not, I was hypnotized by the illusion that the more weight I lost, the more perfect my life would be. But it was a lie. It was all a lie. This flawless, ideal life I thought I led was just a mask for the hell that I endured each day.

It's tough to live with this day to day. Contrary to popular belief, recovery IS in fact a daily process. Anorexia is not something that just goes away like that once you've reached your goal weight. There's a reason why it's called a mental illness. It eats away at you, while forcing you to eat less. And then it withers whatever is left of your sanity away, eventually taking over your whole body and mind. It is a parasite. Ed, that is. That's what I call my eating disorder, anyway. It slowly, but actively kills you.

I don't mean to sound grim, but that's the raw truth of it. For me it is, anyway. I'm lucky enough to be at a point in my recovery that these days are slim.

Some things I live with today, I wonder if they weren't previously created by Ed that I had somehow internalized--like my lactose intolerance. I had always been terrified of cream, heavy cream. So I suppose I suddenly decided I couldn't have it anymore. I stopped having dairy slowly, and now I can't even have pizza without feeling nauseous. Was this really because of genetics, or because of Ed? There are so many of these that are still a part of my life that I'm realizing are because of my eating disorder. Healthy habits that Ed has tainted: drinking multiple cups of water per day, eating slowly, taking sips of water in between bites, listening to hunger cues and deciding whether or not they're 'worth it.' Ed has even destroyed mindful eating for me, which is why I'm going to a mindful eating retreat this summer to perhaps revive the proper mindset of this tactic.

On Wednesday, for my final project in a cultural psychology class, I read a paper. A paper I had written a year ago and had since edited. It could be called A Day in the Life. I've always been fairly open about my eating disorder, but this was the first time I had read something so personal out loud to a class of people I didn't know too well, some I didn't know at all. I shook while I read it, tearing up at parts that I both wished I could go back to and was relieved I could call my past. These were parts that I could not believe, in my rational mind, I had done. Things that made no logical sense, but things I did do. Things like living off of 1,400 calories...a week. Exercising until I passed out. Blacking out for periods of time in class and thinking that wasn't a problem. Eating three bites of watered-down broth and calling it a meal.


But the paper was met with approval, and I was glad I read it. Several people told me how courageous I was for reading it, and how much it helped them and opened their eyes. I was happy.

Truth be told, I don't believe that 'full' recovery is possible. But there is such a thing as maximum recovery. Days where you can wake up and just say "you know what, I'm gonna have a good day today!" I don't punish myself when I have setbacks! I simply reward myself when I don't. How do I do this? I give myself a sentence I deserve to hear, not something that Ed would say. I say "Thank you" to myself.


I know I'm recovering because some days, I wake up and feel great about myself. I look in the mirror and I do not see a whale, and I can smile. I eat normal meals and don't purge. I don't hope for a utopian recovery. I know this is not possible. All I can hope for is that the "thank you"s get more and more frequent, and that my sanity trumps Ed.


I bought this sign at Marshalls the other day (pictured at the end of this post). It's something my mother has been saying to me for quite some time, and I think I've finally internalized it. Sure, I may weigh more than I did a couple years ago, but damn, I work it. If there's one thing I pride myself on, it's that I always look classy. I love getting dressed up. Some people ask me why I dress so fancily for class, and I just respond, "Because I feel good when I do it."


That's the key to recovery--finding what's right for you, whether it be food, clothes, beauty, or mind. I encourage you to find your own niche, and then rock it. Perfection in itself is not perfection. It is not attainable. Imperfections remind us of who we are--unique individuals. You can either blend in with the crowd, or stand out and make an impression. I choose to make an impression...most of the time (for example, today I am not making an impression as I plan to stay in my room and in my pajamas until 9 PM).


My parents and grandpa are coming on Sunday, and I intend to show them just how far I've come!!


Much love,
Carina

Massaman Curry

Ever have those days where you go to sleep, and it seems like you've only just put your head down on the pillow when it's time to wake up?

Yeah. I had the opposite of that. I went to bed at 9pm last night. Woke up several times and then finally woke up at 7am. Feeling like crap. I had a feeling I was going to get sick--except it was the kind where you know it's coming on but you can't do anything about it. The worst. I got up to take a shower after waking up again at 9:30 and nearly fell over doing so. I started to get ready for my 11am class and actually did fall over doing so. It would've been funny if it had happened to someone else -___-

After a painful shower, Mama and I concluded that I could not go to class; that it would be best for me to just stay in and get some sleep on this dreary day. I couldn't have agreed more, although I would've given anything to be able to keep my head up and swallow without it feeling like a thousand razor blades went down my throat (slight exaggeration).

Anyway, since Sunday morning, my life has been pretty uneventful. Especially since I didn't leave my house today. But let's see...Sunday, I woke up, showered, did work, went to Marshalls, did more uneventful stuff.....and BAM! made massaman curry with Ellen. The perfect end to a great weekend. I love curry, but this was just out of this world. Coconut milk and peanuts? Count me in.

Massaman Curry à la Carina et Ellen


Ingredients

• 1 can full-fat coconut milk, not shaken
• 1 T green curry paste
• 1 T red chili paste
• 3 Thai chillies, chopped
• 2 T sugar
• 1 c peanuts
• 14oz. package extra firm tofu, drained and pressed
• 2 medium sweet potatoes, cubed
• small package baby portobello mushrooms, sliced (sorry Mama!)
• salt

Instructions

1. Chop peanuts in food processor until grainy.
2. Open can of coconut milk, scoop out coconut cream and fry with pastes and chillies.
3. Add vegetables and mix/sauté for a few minutes.
4. Add peanuts and the rest of the coconut milk and some water and let simmer.
5. Cut tofu into cubes--fry in a bit of oil and let drain on a plate with a paper towel. Add to curry.
6. Simmer for ~10 minutes and serve.

Simple as that! It's really quite good. I highly recommend making it...it's like everything I want in curry.

Alright, I just popped some advil so I'm gonna try to do some work before crashing. Enjoy!

Song of the Day-- "Excuse" by Big Freedia. A ridiculous song with an even more ridiculous video. I'm addicted. He came to perform at Wes a few weeks ago and it was crazy!

Recovery Link of the Day-- Hahah I love Tina Fey.

Sickly (yes I know that's an adjective),

Carina

Creamy Marinara Sauce and Weekend Snippets

My weekends start on Thursdays.

If you're a friend of mine at Wes, you've probably heard me say that about 3x/week (more than that). But it's because last year, I had 9 AM class every day--and this year, I arranged my schedule to have no class earlier than 11, and no classes on Fridays. Yet, I still manage to be late to my 11 o'clock class.

With 2 tests, many response papers, a 10-page paper, figuring out who's living in the house next year, it was tough to squeeze in some cooking this week. But, being a college student, I've had to master the art of fast cooking without it tasting like Easy Mac.

When I want to do this, I turn to pasta. Sauce is so awesome--just fry some onions, add tomatoes, spices, lots of garlic, and you've got a hot pot o' sauce going (lol Carl Weathers).

Now, when I wake up during the week, I usually want something sweet. But for some reason, when I wake up on the weekend, I want, no, need something savory. Usually I'll just go to Usdan for an omelette, but this morning when I woke up I could not be bothered to make myself look presentable, nor walk across campus (when can I ever be bothered to do that?).

Anyway, when I woke up, I was feeling adventurous, so I decided to add a secret ingredient to the mix. I wanted a creamy marinara sauce, something I hadn't had in forever, so I thought (/looked up a recipe)...what do I always use when I want to make something creamy? Then the answer (or maybe the sunlight....) hit me like a ton of bricks--tofu.

My mother is particularly grossed out by tofu. It's probably because she doesn't have any Asian blood in her, cause my dad and I love tofu (or maybe our taste buds are just different). I particularly have taken a liking to it this past year, realizing how very versatile it is. I've used it in soups, stir-fries, desserts, even frosting! So it didn't faze me that this pasta sauce included tofu. All I wanted was something creamy to stir into my pasta.

And so I made it. And it was delicious. The perfect quick Sunday morning recipe. I got it from Edible Perspective, a food blog with gorgeous photography. I didn't make any changes so I'll just link to the recipe: Creamy Marinara Sauce.

"How did you get it so creamy????"

I highly recommend you make it, whether or not you're in a fix. Plus, this also goes great as an accompaniment for tortilla chips. I tried it. You can pretty much use it on anything. I love versatile recipes like this.

Kinda looks like vodka ('vokka') sauce, which is my cousin Elyse's 'favorite' food.

As for the rest of the weekend...

Thursday kicked off Wesleyan Students for Justice in Palestine's Palestine Awareness Week! We had a panel of students giving first-hand accounts of their experiences in Palestine, accompanied by traditional Palestinian dishes. I volunteered to cook along with some other people were were my sous-chefs, and we made....

Mjaddara, a traditional Levantine dish with rice, lentils, olive oil, and caramelized onions...

Falafel...

And baklava cups! (These particular ones were made with toasted pecans and walnuts and topped with a honey sugar drizzle).

Ellen enjoyed the filling quite a bit.

And so did everyone at the talk! It was a lot of fun cooking, and the experiences told were so intense and interesting.

Then yesterday the Columbia Dabke Brigade paid us a visit and gave us a wonderful performance and tutorial! Dabke is traditional Palestinian dance literally meaning 'stamping of the feet.' It is commonly used as a form of resistance. The tutorial was great--even I could do some basic steps by the end! And that's saying a lot. Everyone was all dancing together :D

Apparently my aunt tried to teach my siblings and me when we were little. Looks like I don't remember...I'm trying to picture my dad doing dabke, as he claims he knows how to do it. I can't imagine it.

Song of the Day-- a fun dabke song! Check it out if you want to see what dabke looks like :)
Recovery Quote of the Day-- "When you seek beauty in all people and all things, you will not only find it, you will become it." I have a pair of earrings that have a similar quote in Arabic engraved on them.

Alright, time to clean my room. I'm glad I could procrastinate just a little bit longer. Enjoy this lazy Sunday!

Lazily,
Carina

Chip Dip. Nachos. Cheeze.

I'm not the biggest fan of stats.

All those numbers and variables and exactness. I don't like it. It's the opposite of cooking. Even if you screw up and add a T of cumin instead of a t (not a t-test, mind you), it will come out fine, mainly because, in my housemate Ana's words: "The more cumin, the better." You can improvise and still have a great result. You cannot do this in stats. Believe me, I tried. I have the exam grade to prove it. However, improvising culinarily can show 'great success' [/borat] in the end. This is my story.

Yesterday, I woke up late and decided to have, as my breakfast and lunch, 3 bowls of cereal. 2 bowls of Lucky Charms, and 1 bowl of Frosted Flakes. However, due to the lack of fiber (don't we love those sugar-loaded cereals? I certainly do), I was hungry again in about an hour. I was all cereal'd out and wanted something savory. I thought of something I had made last semester that was totally improvised--Pumpkin Black Bean TVP Enchilada Casserole. But I was out of TVP. And didn't have tortillas. What I had? Pumpkin, black beans, refried beans, onions, garlic, a can of tomatoes, green chiles, and tortilla chips. And spices, of course. I had no recipe. So, I attempted to make that same casserole, just without TVP.

I did not succeed at making an enchilada casserole.

What I did succeed at, however, was making a delicious chip dip. One reminiscent of my Aunt Ro's seven-layer dip with lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, hormel chili (....), sour cream, and I really don't remember what the last 2 layers were. Scallions, maybe?

Anyway, Caligiuris were all over that whenever we went to Aunt Ro's. It was warm, it was creamy, it was gooey, it was cheesy (I'm such a poet). It was a classic. However, seeing as I cleaned a good 1/3rd of the 9x13" pan of the dip last night, I think this is on par with the Banks's 7-layer dip (it's not).

"Aunt Ro will you PLEEEASE make the magical 7-layer dip????"

Pumpkin Black Bean Green Chile Dip

note: ingredients are amounts are highly customizable--this is just what I used and liked

Ingredients

• 1 large onion, diced
• 5 cloves garlic, minced
• 15oz. can pumpkin
• 4oz. can green chiles
• 15oz. can black beans
• 15oz. can fat-free refried beans
• 15oz. can fire-roasted tomatoes (feel free to add another if you want)
• 3 T cheeze sauce (optional, see mac & cheeze post)
• 1 c shredded cheese
• tortilla chips (I like the 'bite-size' ones from Tostito's)
• cumin
• chipotle chili powder
• paprika
• adobo seasoning
• salt & pepper

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 400 F.
2. In a large pot, fry onion in some olive oil. Add garlic and spices; sauté until fragrant.
3. Add black beans, green chiles, and pumpkin. Add more spices.
4. Add refried beans, cheeze sauce, and 1/2 c shredded cheese. Stir.
5. Add fire-roasted tomatoes and stir. Let cook on low for a few minutes. Adjust seasonings to taste.
6. How you want to eat it is optional. I personally like to throw the chips in there or layer them and then scoop the chips&dip into a bowl and just eat it with a spoon. All about personal preference!
7. Bake for about 10 minutes, and then sprinkle on remaining 1/2 c cheese and bake for another 5-7 minutes.
8. Devour, and make again.

Really, it's quite good. And healthy. Pumpkin, beans, and tomatoes! No sour cream or dairy in this batch (unless you use dairy cheese). I used Daiya, of course. You can even omit the cheese and it'd be delicious, I'm sure. You can even omit the chips and just eat the dip with a spoon! I think I'll do that the next time I make it.

That entire pan was gone in less than a day. Granted, there are only 4 people in my house. I'm sure if you were at a party it'd be gone in about 7 minutes. Approximately.

Another alternative: midnight nachos!

"We killed TWICE that amount in under two minutes." -the lovely Debbie

Okay I've gotta go make a ton of baklava, falafel, and mjaddara for the kick-off to WeSJP's Palestine Awareness Week!!

Song of the Day-- gorgeous orchestral rendition of an awesome song in the Phoenix Wright series. I still don't understand how a game can be that amazing.

Recovery Link of the Day-- great article and great picture. "Don't let your mind bully your body."

Cheezily,

Carina

Hummus, Pizza Pockets, and a Whirlwind

It seems it's been a while since I last posted.

The last week or so has been a whirlwind of events. A good whirlwind, mind you (except for the fact that it seems to have destroyed my room). Classes were good, friends were visiting, games were played (intensely), food was consumed. Lots of it. The reason why I haven't posted in a while is because...well, I've been on a mac & cheeze kick. I've made it at least 7 times this last week, still trying to perfect the recipe. Which I did (recipe to come in a future post).

Another thing I did last week was finalize my summer plans. Half of them, anyway. All that remains is buying the plane ticket. See, I'll be in Lebanon from the end of May to mid-July. And I could not be more excited. Family, beaches, friends, margaritas, Lebanese food, arghile, and WARMTH--something I miss dearly on this dreary day, since April spoiled us last week.

Anyway, realizing that I had mac & cheez for lunch (...) I'm debating what to make for dinner, as I should probably have something different. I knew I wanted something with marinara sauce, but I was out of pasta. So I searched the fridge. Leftover cheez sauce, check. Marinara sauce, check. NaSoya wonton wrappers, check. (Pepperoni....unfortunately, not check.) So, what do these make?

Pizza pockets.

Delicious, crispy on the outside, molten-hot on the inside, pizza pockets. Those little pizza pockets we knew so well as children. I associate them with The Cluefinders game, as my mom would always microwave them for my brother and me while we played. Except in the microwave, it would always become kind of soggy, probably because they were frozen. Making them fresh and baking them instead seems to have solved this dilemma. I'll just be linking you to the recipe, since I didn't make any changes. It's from Dashing Dish, although it seems their website is under construction now. I hope I remember the recipe adequately enough.

"It's like my childhood is coming back to me..." -numerous people

Delicious as these are, I've only made them twice. A recipe that I have made easily more than 20 times, however, is a hummus recipe. A divine one. One that has converted hummus-haters to hummus-lovers. No, it is not traditional, but it is packed with flavor. The recipe is from Cara's Cravings, and since the recipe is perfect as it is, I'll just link you to it: Thai Peanut Pumpkin Hummus. So many ingredients that I love are in this hummus. Peanut butter, pumpkin, scallions, cilantro, chickpeas...the only thing missing is eggplant, really.

"Please make this hummus every day. EVERY. DAY." -my family

Anyway, I'm off to make my pizza pockets and eat this hummus (I made it yesterday. And the day before. That's how quickly it runs out). Enjoy the recipes!

Song of the Day-- Turnabout Jazz Soul- The Fragrance of Dark Coffee. This is a jazz rendition of the theme song of one of my favorite games: Phoenix Wright. I highly recommend you all play it. Assuming the majority of you don't have a DS, the first game is on the iPhone. Anyway, you can't really get classier than this song. Add some rainymood, or some real rain, and a glass of wine, and you've got yourself the classiest evening ever.

Recovery Quote of the Day-- "Not to spoil the ending for you, but everything is going to be okay." I should keep that in mind myself.

Listen to the song, remember the quote, and make the recipes (!).

With class,

Carina

Baingan Bharta and Chole Palak

Why I am awake right now is beyond me.

I went to bed around 1:30, and woke up at 8:03. Why?? Today is my day to sleep in (past 10, anyway). Yet whenever I do actually have time to waste the morning/afternoon away sleeping, I find that I cannot. This is torturous. Here I am, laying (lying) [down] in bed, eyes closing but still unable to fall asleep (yes, I tried putting the computer away). I have so much to do today as Turath is hosting two programs but I can't really bring myself to get out of bed to do said things.

Now before you judge me and [correctly] accuse me of being lazy, I have some exciting news! I'm hosting a lovely prefrosh from Hawaii until tomorrow (she arrived yesterday) and we've been having a wonderful time. But yeah so she's still asleep and I'd feel bad waking her (right, that's the reason....).

And now it's Saturday; Alisse has unfortunately left :( Please come to Wes!!!!

Anyway, while she was here my friend Ellen (who also had a prefrosh) and I decided we would all cook together. Ellen (pictured at the bottom of this post with me) and I are living together next year in Turath and we are both so so excited we can never contain our excitement when we see each other. We cook a lot, mainly deliciously spicy Indian food. Our food is very specific, since she's a vegetarian and gluten-intolerant, and I'm lactose-intolerant. But somehow we still manage to make delicious food (because of her, really). So I will share two delicious Indian recipes with you all today. But when Ellen and I cook, we don't really use a recipe, so I'm gonna have to wing that part. Indian food is really all about adjusting to your taste buds, anyway.

"What should we make? Indian food?" "....is that even a question?"

Baingan Bharta (Eggplant Curry [somewhat])

Ingredients

• 2 large eggplants
• 15oz. can crushed tomatoes (with garlic if possible)
• 2 medium onions, chopped
• 6 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 red pepper, diced
• red pepper flakes
• cumin
• garam masala
• turmeric
• curry powder
• *all spices to taste

Instructions

1. Stab one eggplant with a fork all around and stick it in the microwave on a plate for about 7 minutes or until softened. Place outside to cool (if it's cold out) and do the same with the other eggplant. Once cooled, cut off the stem (?) and then slice lengthwise and widthwise. Scoop out the flesh with a spoon and place into a bowl. Set aside.
2. Fry onions in some olive oil in a medium saucepan and then add garlic and red pepper. Add all spices except red pepper flakes.
3. Add tomato sauce and eggplant, sprinkle some red pepper flakes. Cook for about 15-20 minutes.
4. Add more spices to taste, and blend with an immersion blender if you prefer a smoother texture.

Chole Palak (Chickpeas in a Spinach Curry Sauce)

Ingredients

• 15 oz. can of chickpeas, drained and rinsed
• 2-3 large handfuls of spinach, more or less depending on how spinach-y you want it
• 1 medium onion
• 4 cloves garlic
• 1 green chile, diced (I just used 1/4 of a can of diced green chiles)
• cumin
• garam masala
• turmeric
• curry powder

Instructions

1. Fry the onions and green chile in a medium saucepan. Add garlic and spices.
2. Add chickpeas and fry for a bit. Add enough water to cover the chickpeas and then add spinach. Cook until wilted. Add more depending on your preference.
3. Let cook for a few minutes, and add spices to taste.

Anyway. This week has been crazy stressful. We had an ice cream social yesterday for WesFest and then at night we had an Arab Cooking party where I taught people how to make fetteh and baklava (recipe coming soon!), and then other dishes that were made were koshari, om ali, tabbouleh, and mana'eesh. So good. It was a great night of food, hookah, and drinks.

Okay I'm really hungry and haven't had breakfast yet so I'm gonna go do that. Or maybe lunch, because looking at these pictures of Indian food is making me super hungry for something savory.

Song of the Day-- Toccatina by Mouse on the Keys. An awesome band with drums and two pianos. Innovative and beautiful.

Recovery Quote of the Day-- let's face it: the vast majority of us do enjoy dessert. If you don't want it, don't make a fuss. Decline it politely and leave it at that.

Enjoy this gorgeous day! Looks like Spring is finally here.

-Carina

Mac & Cheese, 3 Ways

Yesterday was the 6-month mark of my beloved grandpa Amal's death.

It's been a rough week in terms of grieving--he was in my dream 2 nights ago and when I woke up I thought that reality was a dream instead, and started crying. It took me everything I had to drag myself out of bed and go to Arabic. I was planning on taking the day off, but realized that it would've been the exact opposite of what my grandpa would have wanted. He was an academic, a scholar, a doctor--no way would he have approved of not going to class, especially if it were for his sake.

I miss him dearly, more than anyone besides my grandma, who died this past January. I've been taking this time since their untimely deaths to be in even more close contact with my living grandparents, understanding in October for the first time that mortality is, in fact, real, and it does affect people close to me.

So, I celebrated their lives. I celebrated life in general. I celebrated writing 7 awesome pages in an hour and a half for a paper. I celebrated not caring about the grade I got on my last stats test. I popped open a bottle of champagne with a friend and we made a toast to all of these things, enjoying the present, not caring about what came next.

Not yet, anyway.

Because, you see, dear readers, what came next was mac & cheese. What may immediately come to mind is the classic Kraft blue-box mac & cheese with the powder that somehow turns into this creamy cheese that as children (and as college students, let's face it) we simply adored. Not only the smell and the taste and the sight of it, but also the sound of it. The sound of that creamy macaroni mingling with the oddly-colored bright orange cheese....it's a sound that brings back childhood memories, for sure.

Anyway, I've been working the last 3 days at making and testing different recipes for dairy-free mac & cheese. And these ones, I've found, are the best. I also decided to add quinoa to it, but feel free to leave it out.

"No, no, you have to LISTEN to it" -me nagging my friend to....hear the mac & cheese

Dairy-Free Mac & Cheese with Quinoa, Three Ways
inspired by Oh She Glows, Tia Tofu, and Healthy Happy Life

Method #1:
Ingredients

• 15oz. pureed butternut squash or pumpkin
• 3 T cashews
• a bit of unflavored/unsweetened almond milk
• one large garlic clove
• salt
• dehydrated garlic
• mustard powder
• curry powder
• turmeric
• italian seasonings
• pepper
• 2 T nutritional yeast

Instructions

1. Ground your cashews in the food processor. Add almond milk, nutritional yeast, garlic, salt, mustard powder, and dehydrated garlic.
2. In a separate bowl, mix the pumpkin and the rest of the flavors to taste.
3. Put pumpkin in food processor with cashew mix and adjust seasoning to taste.
4. When pasta/quinoa is cooked, stir in cheese sauce and it will be heated by the pasta.

Method #2:

Ingredients

• 1.5 c cheddar Daiya
• 1 c dairy-free milk (I used unsweetened original almond milk)
• 2 T nutritional yeast
• salt and pepper, to taste

Instructions

1. Mix together the milk and nutritional yeast in a small saucepan. Bring to a boil.
2. Add the cheddar Daiya and black pepper to taste. Stir constantly until the Daiya is melted, about 2 minutes.

Method #3:

Ingredients

• 3/4 c nutritional yeast
• 15oz. can of cannellini beans, drained and rinsed
• salt, pepper to taste
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1.5 tsp mustard powder
• 1 c pumpkin
• 3 T EVOO
• 3 T Earth Balance (or butter)
• 1 T agave
• 2 T tahini
• almond milk, to thin (if desired)

Instructions

1. Combine all ingredients in food processor. ........

"MORE QUINOA" -this picture

It really is quite delicious. Choose your favorite method and make it again and again! I've had mac & cheese 4 times this week already. I love the addition of the quinoa, it makes such an interesting texture.

My grandpa is the reason why, more often than not, I decide to have a good day no matter what. To be nice to everyone I meet, to give everyone a smile. He was an incredible man, and his smile will always be a beacon of light for us, reminding us of the good times, and the right thing to do in any situation. I miss him a lot.

I love you, Grandpa. This post is for you!!

Song of the Day-- Stand by Me, River Phoenix. Grandpa's song.

Recovery Quote of the Day-- "Promise me you will nourish your body with delicious food, your mind with knowledge, and your soul with so much love, because you have so much of it to offer." -Grandpa

-Carina