Fattet Hummus in Paradise

I am in paradise.

It's late morning here in Tyr (Sour), and I'm doing the same thing I've done this whole week. Laying on lounge chairs with Dany smoking arghile and enjoying the scenery and breeze. It's been an incredible week, consisting of beaching it, drinking cocktails, eating good food, and enjoying time with Dany's family. I've even gotten a bit of a tan! Though I have a long way to go to reach Dany's skin tone (it'll never happen).

Anyway, the other night, after we got home from the beach, we decided we wanted to make fattet hummus. Every time Léa and I would go to a restaurant called Leila, I would order it and devour every bite. I discovered that the way they made it so good was that they made the chickpeas balila style before putting all together with the laban, pita, and pine nuts. Fatteh, if you don't know, is a traditional Lebanese dish consisting of laban (yogurt), toasted pita bread, toasted pine nuts, and then the main filling of your choice. It can be meat, chickpeas, eggplant, or all three if you so desire! It's quite delicious and it's one of my favorite foods. My dad's restaurant makes it whenever we have big parties, but they make it with the laban on the side. I've become accustomed to having fattet with lots of laban, and I think it's been helping my lactose intolerance. Anyway, it's such a great dish, and I'm here to share one of the many recipes with you!

Fattet Hummus
inspired by Taste of Beirut

Ingredients

• 2 cans chickpeas
• 2 c laban (yogurt)
• 8 T lemon juice
• 1/3 c olive oil
• 6 cloves garlic, mashed with some salt in a mortar
• 2 T tahini (sesame paste)
• pita bread, cut into small pieces and toasted or fried
• pine nuts, toasted or fried
• cumin
• salt
• hummus

Instructions

1. Empty the chickpeas and the water into a pot and heat until warm. Drain the chickpeas and put them into a serving bowl, but keep about a half a cup of the liquid for the dressing.
2. In a separate bowl, combine the chickpea liquid, lemon juice, olive oil, 1 clove mashed garlic, and some salt and cumin. Add 2 T of hummus and mix well.
3. Add 3 cloves of mashed garlic and some olive oil and salt to the chickpeas and mix well. Add dressing to chickpeas and mix.
4. For the laban: Add the other 2 cloves of mashed garlic, 2 T tahini, and about 3 T hummus. Mix well and set aside.
5. Layout (individual servings): Put some chickpeas in a bowl, followed by some pieces of toasted bread. Add as much laban as you like, and then top with toasted pine nuts. Sa7tein!

Anyway, now back to enjoying the breeze, watching Shoes and this gorgeous view. I took a picture for you all; you know you wish you were here.

Song of the Day-- Shoes. You saw it coming.

Recovery Quote of the Day-- "A Day in the Life"

Hungrily,

Carina

Hello from the Homeland!

Ahla w sahla! (that means 'welcome' in Arabic -___-)

Hello everyone! It's certainly been awhile. But I've been very busy. If you didn't know, I've been in Lebanon since the end of May, and will be here until mid-July. I just left Ain Aar in Mont Liban, where I was staying with my beautiful cousin Léa and her wonderful family. I'm now in Tyr in the South visiting my awesome friend Dany and his family. So far, everything has been amazing. And I've got the pictures to prove it.

The day after I arrived, jetlag hit and I woke up at 4AM. I saw the sunrise, which was beautiful, and then spent most of my time on the internet for the next 6 hours until Léa woke up. I managed to snap this picture though.

This is the view from their house in Ain Aar. It's breathtakingly gorgeous, as you can see.

After everyone else woke up, Léa and her mom and I went to Harissa to pray, as it was the last month of the Virgin Mary. We took the cable car up (and suffered a bit of vertigo) and I recalled having been there ten years ago! It was a very spiritual and emotional experience to pray there. So many people were at Harissa because it was the last day to pray.

That night, we went clubbing with Léa's brother and his friends that were visiting from Europe. It was an '80s night, and so many songs from Léa's and my 'Get Psyched' mix played. Needless to say....we got psyched.

The next night, we went barhopping and made friends with the bartender, who for some reason decided to put on a wig that resembled the hair of one of the guys from LMFAO. We also went barhopping the next night and saw Dany who was visiting from Tyr! Jesus I look white.

Free drinks are always welcome

Saturday we saw Dany again. We met at a beach resort called Lazy-B in Jiyeh, about 30 minutes away from Beirut. It was such a gorgeous day. We drank margaritas, tanned, and Léa and Dany even got me to jump into the sea!

My hat got blown off several times that day.

Loulou et Nounou 

Dandoun et Carroun

Hammock swinging

Needless to say, it was a wonderful day.

Another highlight of the trip: a cooking class Léa and my other cousin Dana and I took at Tawlet, a very cool Lebanese restaurant. Every day, there is a new chef that comes in to make their specialty. The menu is never exactly the same! They have a cooking class every Wednesday, and we and 6 others learned how to make tabbouleh, mtabbal betanjan (babaghanouj), and kibbet batata (potato kibbeh). The chef's name was Nada and she was really sweet. It was lots of fun and of course, the food was delicious. I wrote down the recipes too, so expect to see those up at some point!

Me, Léa, and Nada in front of the kibbet batata.

Okay now I really want some of that food. Right now, Frosties aren't really doing it for me. And still so long until lunch!

Léa left for Barcelona for the summer on Saturday night, so on Friday night, her friends and I went out barhopping in Gemmayzeh (Gaston and Bulldog, I think). I was exhausted though and fell asleep at the last pub we were at :p

Je t'aime petite cousine!

After she left, I headed down to Tyr to stay with Dany and his family, who have been so kind and generous during my stay! Dany and I cooked for his parents that night and made Baingan Bharta and Chole Palak (miss you, Ellen!).

Obviously we made margaritas, too.

I'm currently sitting outside on the porch in the garden smoking arghile and updating this blog, and will be watching Community in a bit (Léa and I became obsessed). The view is gorgeous and I'm super excited cause we're going to the beach this afternoon! Maybe then I'll get a bit of color -____-
Anyway, here's a picture of the sunset in Tyr that I took last night. Enjoy and more updates soon!

Song of the Day-- Trabak ya Lubnan by Tania Kassis. She's a great Lebanese singer, and this is one of my favorite songs by her.
Recovery Quote of the Day-- "Believe you can, and you will."

Smokingly,
Carina

Sweet Potato Fries and Sweet Potato Ravioli

Home has been a bit more stressful than I thought it would be.

Granted, all I've done really is play video games with Mod, smoked hookah, gone to visit friends, and spent time with my family, but I suppose it's what I haven't done that's getting my mom all worked up.

See, I'm going to Lebanon on Tuesday. For 6 weeks. And I haven't really started packing. So every time I do something, like game or smoke or see a friend, my mom yells at me to pack. I know she's just looking out for me and it would be in my best interest to start packing, but I think we can all agree that saying it more will not make me any more enthusiastic or willing to pack. I'm more likely to pack if I'm left alone. Hi Mom!

Anyway, during my avoidance of packing yesterday, I went to go visit my friend Anna up in Andover. Anna graduated from Wes last year and is getting married in August! And I'm gonna be one of the bridesmaids :D So excited! But yes; Anna is a fellow foodie and has her own food blog. You should check it out; it's really cute and has a lot of delicious recipes: Bashful Bao!

After Anna and Luke and I exchanged hugs, I immediately went to see da bunny. Little Izzy!!! So cute; I wish I'd gotten a picture of her. Anna has plenty on her blog though, so I can always go there to get my Izzy fix :)

We had decided beforehand to make sweet potato ravioli, but when I arrived I was so hungry that I demanded we make an appetizer. Since we had an abundance of sweet potatoes, we decided on sweet potato fries. Easy enough.

Sweet Potato Fries
Ingredients

• one large sweet potato (makes the amount in the picture; adjust accordingly)
• olive oil
• whatever spices you want (we used Italian Seasoning...plus more Oregano)

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 400F.
2. Peel the sweet potato (optional) and slice into wedges or fry shapes.
3. Drizzle olive oil on top and sprinkle a generous amount of spices. Toss until evenly coated.
4. Bake for about 20 minutes.

And that's really it. Super customizable and delicious. The sweet potato ravioli required a few more steps, but the dish is still really easy. I can't find the recipe we used for it, but we made a bunch of adjustments anyway.

Sweet Potato Ravioli

Ingredients

• one large sweet potato
• 3 large cloves garlic, peeled
• 1 tsp fresh oregano
• s&p
• wonton wrappers
• olive oil

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 400F.
2. Cut the sweet potato into thirds so that there are two cone shapes and one cylinder shape.
3. Drizzle olive oil on sweet potato and garlic and rub until fully coated.
4. Put sweet potato and garlic in the oven. Take garlic out after 15 minutes and sweet potato out after about 20.
5. Wait until sweet potato has cooled, then slowly peel off the skin. Throw sweet potato and garlic into a bowl and mash until soft and there are no more clumps. Add oregano and stir.
6. Lay a wonton wrapper flat on a mat and fill with about 1.5tsp sweet potato filling. Line the edges with water and close so it looks like a triangle. Make sure to press the edges down firmly so they don't fall apart! Continue until out of sweet potato filling.
7. Heat some water and boil ravioli for 2 minutes. I'd do it in batches so they can all cook evenly without getting overcrowded.

After they were cooked, Anna and I nerded out foodblogger style and began to take photos. I snapped one of her [not] secretly.

After incessant photographing of the ravioli, I ate mine with some marinara sauce. Well, while I was waiting for the ravioli to cook I ate a small bowl of marinara sauce on its own -___- I love sauce. I really do. But Luke finished his plate before I did! I was shocked; I'm the fastest eater I know.

Anyway, it was a wonderful visit overall and I couldn't be more excited they're moving so close to me!! The next town over, really. We'll be able to cook all the time :D

Okay, I should really actually pack -___- . I can't believe how soon I leave. I arrive in t-minus 2 days, 23 hours, and 28 minutes. Oh man.

Enjoy your Sunday! I hope it's a lazy one.

Excitedly,

Carina

Edit: omg I forgot to add the song/recovery quote of the day. So tragic! Anyway, here ya go.
Song of the Day-- Booty Swing by Parov Stelar. I'm just obsessed with him right now. So good and fun to listen to.
Recovery Quote of the Day-- probably something I should keep in mind.

Mexican Quinoa

My, my, it's been a while!

Of course, I had finals last week and have spent my time home either hanging out with my friend Mod or sleeping. Except Friday--we had a day-long tribute for my Grandpa at BU. It was absolutely incredible. People flew in from all over the world just for the day to give speeches on how Grandpa impacted their lives. I saw him in a new light, and my already immense respect for my grandpa rose even more. What a professor! So many people around the world would not have been doctors if it weren't for him, not to mention all the patients seen by these doctors and so on and so forth. His residents made a book of all their memories together and even wrote a song set to the tune of Can You Feel the Love Tonight. It had everyone in tears.

My dad gave a speech about Lebanon during the war and how my grandpa was a beacon of light amidst all the chaos. He really was a hero. He commanded authority while bombs were raining on Beirut and would calm everyone. Even when he and his family managed to get away from all the fighting, he went back to make sure everyone else was okay.

Mod coined a new term when we were talking about my Grandpa--WWAD? What Would Amal Do? I personally think it's the best thing to turn to in any situation. He was always so caring and kind to everyone--his smile discriminated against no one. His smile was what was talked about most on Friday...such a beautiful smile, full of light.

Anyway, on Thursday, my mama was way too tired to cook anything, so I asked myself...WWAD? Why, he'd make dinner for the family of course! Well, probably not make it, but he'd definitely eat it. "Absolutely!"

So, I cooked dinner while mama took a well-deserved nippity-nap. And what did I make? Mexican quinoa. I've made it 4 times in the last 2 weeks and it is absolutely amazing! I originally used the recipe from Closet Cooking but I've been improvising with it quite a bit since then.

Mexican Quinoa
adapted from Closet Cooking
Ingredients

• 2 small onions, chopped
• 5 cloves garlic, minced
• 2 c quinoa
• 3 c vegetable broth
• 1/2 c tomato puree
• 4oz. can diced green chiles
• 15oz. can black beans, drained and rinsed
• 15oz. can refried beans
• cheese of choice
• cumin
• chipotle chili powder
• oregano
• dehydrated red bell pepper flakes
• cilantro

Instructions

1. Fry the onions in a bit of olive oil until tender. Add garlic and spices and saute until fragrant, about a minute.
2. Add quinoa, broth, tomato puree, black beans, chiles, refried beans, and s&p. Bring to a boil.
3. Reduce heat, cover, simmer for 15 minutes until water has been absorbed.
4. Stir in cheese and cilantro.

And that's about it! It's a very simple recipe, quite adaptable too! I added chicken the other day for my siblings and they liked it. It's so....cheesy and delicious. It's awesome cause my stomach is getting better with cheese, too. I've been slowly reintroducing it to my system and so far, so good! Hopefully ice cream is next.

I don't really have much else to say so I'll just post more pics of quinoa, lolz.

......et cetera.

Anyway, it's getting late and I should go to bed. 9 more days until I leave for Lebanon, woo!!

Song of the Day-- September by Earth Wind and Fire. Mod and I were blasting this all day. The best!!

Recovery Link of the Day-- outcomes of eating disorders.

With a mouth full of quinoa,

Carina (hey that rhymes)

Vegetarian 'Bolognese' Sauce and Homemade Salsa

What a wonderful weekend it was!

Spent most of my time with Ellen (obvi), but hey, she's just da best. Anyway, Thursday was pretty great. We watched Kiki's Delivery Service and just chilled the whole night. Friday, we made Bolognese Sauce and salsa (recipes below!), gamed, and watched Tour de Franzia from my bedroom window (being on ResLife staff, I could not participate). I must say, it's quite fun to drunk-people-watch, especially when all of them were getting kicked out of the Butts by ResLifers (lolz). Anyway, we cat-called a few people, posed in a picture, and enjoyed our OWN night of fun in my room and house. Games were played, classy drinks were drunk, (a lot of) food was consumed...you get the idea.

I don't remember much of Saturday, probably because it was pretty uneventful. During the day, anyway. At night we went to a frat for a birthday party and then went to Fountain for a jazz concert. And then I decided I really wanted food so I booked it back to Turath because I had a bowl of noodles (that my housemate Bertram so kindly shared!) waiting for me. And they were so delicious. Worth leaving Fountain early, in my opinion.

And then Sunday, my mama and papa and grandpa came to visit! I hadn't seen my parents in a while and my gramps since my gram's funeral, so it was so heartwarming to see their smiling faces. We went to Esca, where my mom and I went with my gram when she visited last year, and sat in the same booth :) After a delicious meal of softshell crabs, flatbread with caramelized onions, goat cheese, figs, and spinach, and homemade pasta, we went on a walking tour of the school. Grandpa absolutely loved the campus! We were holding hands the whole time and I was so so happy to be with him. He's such a midge!

So cute.

Anyway, food time.

Now, this bolognese sauce does not hold a candle to Grandpa Cal's pasta sauce + meatballs (a container of which he lovingly brought for me! I already finished it), but it is a delicious alternative if you are vegetarian, gluten free, and/or short on time. And it's still pretty damn good. I 'created' this recipe last semester when I was in a pinch and wanted to experiment with the only thing I had on hand: TVP. Textured Vegetable Protein. It sounds weird, it looks weird, but it's good, and good for you. Bob's Red Mill makes it, you can find it anywhere, really. It's so versatile, too! I've made this sauce several times as it only takes about 20 minutes to make! It even has my brother's stamp of approval, and he's a certified carnivore.

TVP Bolognese
Ingredients

• 1.25 c water
• 1 large onion, chopped
• 1/2 large bouillon cube (or however much you would need to make one cup of broth)
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 c Textured Vegetable Protein (TVP)
• 6oz. tomato paste
• 2 15oz. cans fire-roasted tomatoes
• oregano
• basil
• rosemary
• dehydrated red bell pepper (if you like it spicy, which I do)
• salt, pepper

Instructions

1. In a small pot, take the bouillon cube and put it in along with 1.25c water. Bring to a boil, and add the cup of TVP. Remove from heat, stirring occasionally for 5 minutes. Add hot water accordingly (it shouldn't be too watery by the end but it's okay if it is).
2. In a large pot, fry the onion in some olive oil until translucent. Add the garlic and after a minute add the spices.
3. Add tomato paste to the onions, etc. and mix until thick. Transfer TVP to tomato paste mixture, then add cans of fire-roasted tomatoes. Stir well. Add spices/salt/pepper to taste. Let simmer for 5-10 minutes. Sauce is ready!

It's really good. Plus you can use TVP in anything--I've used it in chili and enchilada casseroles. It absorbs flavor really well!

Spicy Cilantro Salsa

Ingredients

• 1/2 large onion, chopped
• 2 15oz. cans fire-roasted tomatoes
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• adobo seasoning
• salt
• cumin
• 4oz. can diced green chiles
• dehydrated red bell pepper
• 1/2 c chopped cilantro

Instructions

1. Fry onion in some olive oil for a few minutes. Add garlic and then 15 seconds later add tomatoes. Cook for a while, then add spices and cilantro. Heat for a few minutes until flavors meld and take off heat. Let cool and serve!

So good and so easy to make! I highly recommend making your own salsa. The cilantro was so flavorful!

Okay time to do some work. 2 more days of class left, ahhh!

Song of the Day-- Sally's Song, by Parov Stelar. It's a great song, one that a friend said embodies me heheh.

Recovery Quote of the Day-- "It's not about forcing happiness; it's about not letting sadness win."

Spicily,

Carina

Me and Gramps with our favorite--Limoncello!

A Story, and a Reminder

Disclaimer: this post does not contain a recipe. This post is about my eating disorder and recovery. It's a heavy read, so feel free to skip it.

I still struggle with food, even today. Some days I wake up and don't feel like eating at all. I wonder what happened to the skeletal girl with so much 'self-control'. I look in the mirror and cry at what I see. It's still there, lurking. And some days, try as I might, I can't get that voice to shut up, go away, revert back into the nothingness it once was, years ago. I always believed my eating disorder, or Ed. It tore me to shreds, but I believed him. I hung on to his every word, knowing that my body was no longer mine. It was his. For months, I struggled to keep up the image of progress, while I lost myself more and more each day. I wanted to get better, but I wanted to go lower. I wanted to look good, and depending on the day, "good" meant anything from healthy to skeletal. More often than not, I was hypnotized by the illusion that the more weight I lost, the more perfect my life would be. But it was a lie. It was all a lie. This flawless, ideal life I thought I led was just a mask for the hell that I endured each day.

It's tough to live with this day to day. Contrary to popular belief, recovery IS in fact a daily process. Anorexia is not something that just goes away like that once you've reached your goal weight. There's a reason why it's called a mental illness. It eats away at you, while forcing you to eat less. And then it withers whatever is left of your sanity away, eventually taking over your whole body and mind. It is a parasite. Ed, that is. That's what I call my eating disorder, anyway. It slowly, but actively kills you.

I don't mean to sound grim, but that's the raw truth of it. For me it is, anyway. I'm lucky enough to be at a point in my recovery that these days are slim.

Some things I live with today, I wonder if they weren't previously created by Ed that I had somehow internalized--like my lactose intolerance. I had always been terrified of cream, heavy cream. So I suppose I suddenly decided I couldn't have it anymore. I stopped having dairy slowly, and now I can't even have pizza without feeling nauseous. Was this really because of genetics, or because of Ed? There are so many of these that are still a part of my life that I'm realizing are because of my eating disorder. Healthy habits that Ed has tainted: drinking multiple cups of water per day, eating slowly, taking sips of water in between bites, listening to hunger cues and deciding whether or not they're 'worth it.' Ed has even destroyed mindful eating for me, which is why I'm going to a mindful eating retreat this summer to perhaps revive the proper mindset of this tactic.

On Wednesday, for my final project in a cultural psychology class, I read a paper. A paper I had written a year ago and had since edited. It could be called A Day in the Life. I've always been fairly open about my eating disorder, but this was the first time I had read something so personal out loud to a class of people I didn't know too well, some I didn't know at all. I shook while I read it, tearing up at parts that I both wished I could go back to and was relieved I could call my past. These were parts that I could not believe, in my rational mind, I had done. Things that made no logical sense, but things I did do. Things like living off of 1,400 calories...a week. Exercising until I passed out. Blacking out for periods of time in class and thinking that wasn't a problem. Eating three bites of watered-down broth and calling it a meal.


But the paper was met with approval, and I was glad I read it. Several people told me how courageous I was for reading it, and how much it helped them and opened their eyes. I was happy.

Truth be told, I don't believe that 'full' recovery is possible. But there is such a thing as maximum recovery. Days where you can wake up and just say "you know what, I'm gonna have a good day today!" I don't punish myself when I have setbacks! I simply reward myself when I don't. How do I do this? I give myself a sentence I deserve to hear, not something that Ed would say. I say "Thank you" to myself.


I know I'm recovering because some days, I wake up and feel great about myself. I look in the mirror and I do not see a whale, and I can smile. I eat normal meals and don't purge. I don't hope for a utopian recovery. I know this is not possible. All I can hope for is that the "thank you"s get more and more frequent, and that my sanity trumps Ed.


I bought this sign at Marshalls the other day (pictured at the end of this post). It's something my mother has been saying to me for quite some time, and I think I've finally internalized it. Sure, I may weigh more than I did a couple years ago, but damn, I work it. If there's one thing I pride myself on, it's that I always look classy. I love getting dressed up. Some people ask me why I dress so fancily for class, and I just respond, "Because I feel good when I do it."


That's the key to recovery--finding what's right for you, whether it be food, clothes, beauty, or mind. I encourage you to find your own niche, and then rock it. Perfection in itself is not perfection. It is not attainable. Imperfections remind us of who we are--unique individuals. You can either blend in with the crowd, or stand out and make an impression. I choose to make an impression...most of the time (for example, today I am not making an impression as I plan to stay in my room and in my pajamas until 9 PM).


My parents and grandpa are coming on Sunday, and I intend to show them just how far I've come!!


Much love,
Carina